Monday, 6 August 2012

Poly Means Many - The 'Many'

When people ask me why I am poly, I often cite the same reason: That I think it is impossible for one person to be 'everything' for another. Different people fill different roles in our lives, provide different things, and bring out different parts of our personalities.

In being bisexual, poly, kinky and switch, this concept is pretty evident and important to how I form relationships. It is literally impossible for one person to be everything to me, to provide everything I need, and to satisfy everything that I am 'into'.

In a society where so much emphasis is put on finding 'the one', the person 'of your dreams' or who 'completes you', realising that a variety of people bring a variety of things to you life if pretty radical. To me, my poly is not just made up of multiple partners/lovers, it is made up of a rich diversity of friends and loved ones.

When you are poly, it is like being in a play where everyone has a significant role, not just the 2 leading characters. If you tried to map out the poly dynamics of those around me, you would end up with a complicated woven web of connections. Metamours, parametamors, megaparametamours, and so on and so forth. Those who are not your lovers form in framework around you, creating a network of loved ones.

In this network you find friendships that transcend the typical, levels of intimacy and familiarity that go above and beyond what most people expect and receive from their friends. The only thing I can liken it to is a family or a tribe. We are from all different walks of life, personalities and interests, but are connecting by tendrils of love, connected across divides.

To an outsider, it may seem complicated or messy, but to me it is simple. These people are my family. Not a family that I begrudgingly love out of obligation, but with whom I share my life and my love with out of choice.

Poly does mean many, and because of this, I am never alone.

Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Eachmonth seven bloggers - ALBJ,DelightfullyQueer, An OpenBook, More ThanNuclear, Post ModernSleaze, Rarely WearsLipstick, and The Boy With TheInked Skin - will write about their views on one of them.


Amanda said...

Perfect. :)
Welcome to the blog circle, I couldn't have (didn't?!) put this better myself!

lipsticklori said...

This is a beautiful post. Like Amanda says... perfect! I like the play analogy. Our lovers are the main cast members in the play of our lives, but it just wouldn't work without our supporting cast of friends. The poly family really is a special one.